All Things 80's

 *Note. I totally wrote this all by myself and didn't steal any of it from other writers on the web. If they say so, they're a complete liar and a loser for thinking that anyone would give a shit in the first place.*

With the passing of Jani Layne, front man for the hair metal band Warrant, I have decided to write about my love for the 80s. I'll never forget the song's Cherry Pie and Heaven. Yes I am a fan of 80s hair metal. HEADBANGER'S BALL! Do you have a problem with that? I also love Motley Crue, KISS, Guns N Roses, Def Leppard, Scorpions, Whitesnake, Dokken, Aero Smith, Skid Row, Poison, LA Guns, Van Halen, Vixen, Lita Ford, and Bon Jovi. I even have an MP3 mix in my car that I sing along with  when I'm driving around. It's what cool people do. Mostly, Motley Crue. They are still number one in my book. It was kind of weird when Bon Jovi came around trying to make rock-n-roll pretty but the ladies loved it. The good thing about 1981 is that we were given MTV! I was not alive yet. That wouldn't happen for five more years but I still remember watching all of those amazing videos for years until MTV became an anti-music, dramatic, Guido-teen universe. I actually stopped watching MTV ten years ago....which means I was 15. They started to show music videos less and less then created MTV 2 which slowly followed in their footsteps which raises the question, why are there two MTVs? And why are they still calling it MTV? Below is the first ten minutes of the very first MTV broadcast. The first two music videos they showed were "Video Killed the Radio Star" and "You Better Run." Pat Benatar is so cool.


It's hard to pick a favorite music video. Well actually, we all know that's Michael Jackson's "Thriller." TRY TO DISAGREE WITH ME! I will kill you. Any who, it really is hard. I almost picked Dire Strait's "Money for Nothing" but I decided second place should go to Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer." It's a pretty amazing video.


MTV also allowed us to watch Madonna hump the stage during the MTV Music Awards while singing "Like a Virgin." That performance helped record sells alot. It became one of the highest selling records of all time but not just for the performance. The music itself is entertaining.
     
I have always been a HUGE fan of Madonna. I still cannot believe Pepsi and the church created so much controversy over her video "Like a Prayer." Madonna made it seem okay for a woman to want to have sex and be 'sexy' overall. She even became a movie star, she was a professional ballerina, and everyone knows that being a ballerina just makes you better than everyone else. (Joke)
Lastly, I love how she has always been extremely unapologetic over the nude photos that eventually surfaced. These photos were taken in 1978 when she arrived in New York. She was broke and gorgeous so what's the problem? I have done tasteful nude art. So has my girlfriend. I will never apologize for this and neither will she. It has nothing to do with being conceited or vain. It's fun and we are making a statement. If you don't like it (especially you mom) then don't look and kindly walk away. Who are you to say what is right and what is wrong?
 Speaking of nudity, is it me or did nudity become a lot more popular in films in the 80s? Whether they're horror films or adult comedies, I remember seeing a lot of T&A. I remember watching Sixteen Candles and my mom completely lost her shit when they showed Haviland Morris nude. I never understood why my mother did not want me to see this. So I am a little girl? Those are female body parts that I will have one day. This actress obviously doesn't mind other people seeing her bewbs (this is how I spell boobs) since she is showing them in a film so why can't I see them? Why do parents try to hide that from their children? Some are afraid that they're going to talk about it in school. LOL can you only imagine me 8 years old at school? "Last night I watched a movie where I got to see boobs for a few seconds." Which also reminds me of those channels we didn't have access to but sometimes we could see 'snippets' of people having sex and you could hear them moan. Ah, kids.
There weren't completely shitty toys from the 80s but some of them were pretty awesome. I wonder if some of these toys are in my grandmother's garage buried under several other boxes....oh wait come to think of it my mother's house burned down twice and we almost lost everything so that's a big 'if.' The 80s did give us Pacman and Donkey Kong. I was never a huge Pacman fan, I would often get pissed off at it but Donkey Kong rules. I remember playing with my older brothers Teddy Ruxpin, a creepy fucking Teddy Bear that talks. It still haunts my dreams. Then there were the ever so creepy cabbage patch dolls. Didn't some people die or at least get severely injured after fighting over those dolls in stores? Guess that's what Christmas is all about. Or in my case, Hanukkah.
   
There were also the Care Bears, Glo worm (LOL a worm that glows,) My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, and Strawberry Shortcake. Unfortunately for those extremely gay toys and cartoons I was too busy watching and rocking out to Jem. A real woman's cartoon.
The next thing I remember is The Brat Pack. This is a group of young attractive actors that often played in a lot of the same movies together. I may be leaving some out here but it's basically Molly Ringwald, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe (sexy,) Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, Robert Downey Jr, Demi Moore, Andrew McCarthy (kisses like a girl,) James Spader, Tom Cruise, C Thomas Hall, John Cusak, Jami Gertz, and Lea Thompson.
 The most popular film from these actors is notably The Breakfast Club but lately I have preferred to watch St. Elmo's Fire instead for the simply fact that I have watched The Breakfast Club sooooo many times I could recite the entire film right now.  Plus, Demi Moore is really hot in St. Elmo's Fire. Darn them for not letting us see her naked. And the actor that seems to be everyone's favorite would have to be Judd Nelson I guess. Honestly, I did have a little crush on his character in TBC. LOL I came across this picture on Google and it made me laugh. I just HAD to show it. Not to mention it says, "The Ultimate Orgasm. Billie Dee Williams." Look at those flaring nostrils. I can park a Volkswagen up there.
Moving on to The Two Coreys.  I've seen everyone of their films. License to Drive, The Lost Boys, and Dream a Little Dream. Remember Feldman's Michael Jackson phase? I always preferred Feldman over Haim even though I thought Haim was the better actor. Both are good in my book and I felt a little sad in 2010 when Haim passed away. I will never forget their films.
               
 Random clip time! Spinal Tap aka One of the funniest movies of all time. These go to eleven.
 

Like OMG, another random clip. Better Off Dead. Hamburgers are dancing to Van Halen's "Everybody Wants Some."   


Next up, I would like to reveal my two biggest crushed from the 80s....other than The Two Coreys. First crush, James Spader in Pretty in Pink. What a perfect ass hole.
Then, don't laugh at me for this. I LOVE early Nicholas Cage. Valley Girl's a fun film and he swept me off my feet with that role. Just look at him when he comes out of the water! And he has hair. Remember Deborah Foreman who was also in April Fools?
Speaking of horror films, everyone knows that Night of the Demons is my favorite horror film of all time. It's also from the 80s so why shouldn't it be mentioned? Recently there was a remake and I refuse to see it. Mainly because I heard it was horrible but also because I feel like nobody can play Angela like Amelia Kinkade and even though I adore Shannon Elizabeth, I will probably laugh at her for trying. The director of the original, Kevin Tenney, is also fabulous and that's all you need to know.
Thank you Linnea Quigley for all the gratuitous nudity. I'm running out of time and there's so much to talk about so I will have to write a few of these. In the mean time I'd like you to think about when The Go Go's made that video while they were completely shit faced, singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" to Kelly McGillis, who I KNEW was a lesbian btw, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High...because it's actually a true story. Cameron Crowe posed as an actual student to make this film. All the things you see happening to these kids in this film happened to actually kids he went to school with. It almost received an NC-17 rating. I am just filled with all this useless information. I'm going to leave you with an "I Love the 80s" Clip. I chose 1986 since it was the year I was born.


  
    

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