Texas Frightmare Weekend 2011

It was hard to fathom that an entire year had gone by since the last Frightmare Weekend. It seems like just yesterday John Carpenter was calling me a babe and winking at me. Yes, I still like to brag about that. I am in fact a nerd and I will never forget that. Sure enough, it came and boy what a weekend it was! Other conventions around the US don't even compare to TFW!  This is the MOTHER of all conventions. Although, John Torrani swears to me that New Yorks conventions are far better. Guess I will find out three weeks from now when I'm in New York. I arrived Thursday evening and waited impatiently for my old lady, Roxy Vandiver (who is not old at all,) to finish getting all dolled up. First we hit the bar then we were approached by a photographer by the name of Bob Sanders and that Tall Demon Guy (sorry dude I cannot remember your name.) After a lot of Jameson we agreed to do a photoshoot in his hearse. As soon as we got to the hearse we saw Norman Reedus having a cigarette break. To my surprise, Reedus joined in on the photoshoot. You can see pictures of the photoshoot down below. I have several pictures of this on a zip drive thanks to the photographer Bob Sanders but I am sooooooo busy I still haven't added all the pictures.



Roxy and I spent the majority of the evening with Reedus. We talked about The Walking Dead and what to expect from season two on AMC. According to Reedus, his character becomes a hero. Madison Lintz, who plays Sophia, eventually gets lost and he comes to her rescue. You may remember Reedus in Walking Dead as a racist, uneducated, and incredibly violent person. I cannot wait to see where this goes. He also promises more zombie killing and pushing AMC’s boundaries a little further. He mentioned Dark Tower a couple of times but wasn’t giving any information on the project. But he did ask me if I could see him play Eddie Dean. I hope the role goes to him. Then we talked about his appearance in Lady GaGa’s new video, Judas. I’m not up to date on her music so this was a surprise to me. He explained his part in the music video with so much happiness. He was so excited about riding the motorcycle. The video is very strange and I do not know what to think of it. Surely, Marilyn Manson is doing a good job re-inventing himself and using Reedus in his video was a good idea. He had a lot of flattering comments about Texas. I remember him yelling, “You guys in Texas are fucking crazy! It’s so awesome.” Then he kept wanting to get a purple Lamborghini and ride around the streets of Dallas with Roxy and I...... but there was a problem. There were three of us. Not enough room. The man also hates face book. I believe his exact words were, "I hate face book and everything it stands for! I will never have a face book." Then Reedus set my hair on fire! But eventually, my cigarette was lit and the smell went away. By this time Malcolm McDowell was walking in the hotel. Roxy insisted that we approach him and I believe my reaction was, “Jesus Christ dude, he hasn’t even checked in yet. Let the man settle in.” To be clear, when Roxy is drunk she’s going to do whatever she wants. I am glad that we said hi to him even though he gave me a big wet gross kiss on the mouth that I was not expecting. I have pictures of that extremely gross but hilarious and exciting kiss on that zip drive. When I have time, I will upload them. Apparently, there are a lot of them.






From there Roxy and I had a private photoshoot……..




Friday morning, and when I say morning I mean at least 2pm, I walked into the lobby where all the Red Carpet action was being held. Fans raced to the celebrity guests like vultures. Guests like; Robert Englund, Shawnee Smith, Cary Elwes, Lucky McKee, Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flannery, etc… were willingly letting the fans, photographers, and journalists take pictures. Unfortunately, I did not stick around during the entire event because too many people standing around me makes me nervous. I also prefer to ask the guests questions when we are one on one.





The first screenings and panels were actually the ones I was hosting. I felt extremely lucky that I just so happened to get the panels I wanted. The first screening was Yoshihiro Nishimura’s Vampire Girl VS Frankenstein Girl followed by Helldriver. Nishimura and Eihi Shiina were present for the Q&A that followed. They cannot speak English so they had a translator along with them named Marc Walkow, who often wears nothing but a Fundoshi along with them at such events. I have been a huge fan of Eihi Shiina for years. I’m sure you guys are familiar with Takahi Miike’s Audition right? I mean, if not then you’re not a true horror fan. This woman is absolutely breath-taking in person. It’s hard to look away. Nishimura, who I am actually just going to refer to as ‘The Yosh’ from now on, is probably one of the funniest film-makers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. John Torrani is rubbing off on me. Everyone has to have nick names now. Any who, I had never actually seen Helldriver so I was both excited and nervous about this panel. Needless to say, I was completely blown away by Helldriver. Crazy fucking Asians and their crazy fucking films. If you haven’t seen Helldriver I need you to stop what you are doing and find the means to watch it. Here’s a trailer down below:



I get excited every time I see the trailer again. In the near future I’ll send in a long and detailed review on the film. It has to be….the best film I’ve seen this year. So far any way. After the Q&A Yoshihiro Nishimura, Eihi Shiina, Ted Geoghegan, John Torrani, and myself along with others wandered over to the Jamboree Room to enjoy a little ‘Scaryoke.’ I wanted to stop by the SAW VIP Party but karaoke with The Yosh and Eihi Shiina just sounded better. After hearing people butchering songs that were horrible in the first place I poured my heart out to a little ‘I Touch Myself’ by The Divinyls. I have no idea what Yosh was singing because it was in another language. From this point on Eihi Shiina retired to bed but Yosh was more than happy to stay and get drunk with us at the bar. We took one crazy picture after another. The Rue Morgue guys Gary Pullin and Rodrigo Gudino are always fun to talk to when it comes to film. This year our topic for discussing was true crime. Rodrigo was interested in getting one of Jason Hughes’s West Memphis Three t-shirts but I had forgotten about it. We probably spent an entire hour talking about the monstrosity of that trial, the families, and the celebrities that have been helping out. I couldn’t believe that they had never heard of The Red Riding Trilogy! So hopefully I sold them on that. Then they informed me of a little documentary film called, “Dear Zachary” that would apparently ‘make me cry.’ It’s hard to imagine grown men crying in the middle of a movie so I checked it out. I almost cried midway through the film. When it was over I was feeling anger more than anything. I hadn't been that angry since I watched Paradise Lost. Thanks guys for recommending it to me. This is one of my favorite parts of conventions. To be able to talk to film-makers and fans of film. It makes me happier than a Jewish kid at Hanukkah. Comparing my 8 days of presents to THAT is saying a lot. We also spoke of John Waters after asking them about this new issue that hasn’t even hit stands yet. Down below is a sneak peak of the issue where John Water’s talks about his favorite horror film. It has already hit the stands I realize that now but if you haven’t checked it out…you simply must. And if you have not checked out my interview with Rodrigo...you totally should.



I’m not going to lie….the rest of the evening was a complete blur so lets move on to Saturday shall we? The Zombie Walk began at 8am as usual. I was too tired and hung over to join but judging from the pictures it looks like it was even better than the last. Around 12pm it was time for the Angus Scrimm Q&A. You can find clips of him singing all over You Tube by now. What a delightful old man. I use to be terrified to go to bed because of the Phantasm films….as silly as it may seem. Around 3pm, it was time for Robert Englund’s Q&A. I did not have the means to film this but a lot of fans did. This was actually an incredible Q&A. A fan asked Robert how he felt about the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. I bet this poor man gets asked this same question a hundred times a day. He basically indicated that everything gets remade. Is the same stories with a little extra. He's not surprised but he felt they did it too soon. He thinks Jackie is a great actor and he's proud to pass the torch onto him. The other actors are a part of the film he also enjoyed. "They're actors that aren't afraid to act." The man made a lot of good points. This motivated me to give the remake a chance two nights ago. While I still hate Platinum Dunes and everything Michael Bay stands for…..I am glad I watched the remake finally. The acting was as good as Robert said. I did enjoy the dream sequences. However, I was not into Freddy’s new look. I’m sorry! I am a fan of Jackie Earle Haley. He was incredible in Bad News Bears….but Robert will always be Freddy to me. Now I am getting off subject……



Later that day, I did get Robert to sign a glossy photo from Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3, which Is the best of the entire series….I dare you to tell me I am wrong. He noticed I was wearing a Star Wars T-Shirt and told me that he just finished doing some voice over animation with Mark Hamill. Robert and Hamill are actually good friends. In fact, if it weren’t for Robert not getting the role of Luke Skywalker and talking Hamill into auditioning….he never would of gotten the role. Unfortunately, I could not get a photo with Robert. You can take pictures of him but you cannot be in the photo with him. I have no idea what that’s about but I completely understand. Ashley Lawrence and Clive Barker (Hellraiser) were also not being photographed. Ashley had been in a car accident and even if you turn the flash off…the red light could still do severe damage to her eye.




As the time flew by Eihi Shiina, Yosh, Ted Geoghegan, John Torrani, Jason Eisner, and Marc Walkow, and myself left the convention to eat some Texas BBQ. During this amazing dinner a plan was being brewed for the evening. See, the night before….Yosh, Marc, and a young girl whose name I don’t remember all jumped in the pool wearing nothing but Fundoshis. Well this time it was planned that they would get the villain and director from The Human Centipede involved. This being Deiter Laser and Tom Six. I had no idea at this point in time that I would be one of the girls joining in what we call a ‘FUNDOSHI-PEDE.’ After dinner we all went back to the hotel to get ready for the VIP Party. Oh and on the bus ride home, Yosh agreed to wear one of my dresses later on that evening. Fun times. The VIP was so so as usual. We never stay long. In this case, we had big plans. I kept feeling sorry for Eihi Shiina because she had never been exposed to so many fans and people wanting to take pictures of her. I’m not sure if the fans realized it but her and Yosh don’t speak a word of English but I am sure they were flattered nonetheless. Shiina would say things to me in English here and there but very little. One thing is for sure….she knows who KEVIN COSTNER is. Any who, Marc frantically tried to find one more female for the ‘fundoshi-pede.’ I said no over and over and over again. I wanted to be a part of it but I am very shy. There were a lot of people by the pool. Some how after more Jameson I didn’t feel so shy about it. After all, it’s just like wearing a bathing suit. So we all went up to Yosh and Shiina’s hotel room where we put on the fundoshis. I knew mine wasn’t tight enough. If only it were a little tighter…..While we were putting these uncomfortable things on Yosh was dancing and waving his penis around Shiina’s face. Her reaction and laugh were cute. I guess they do this all the time. On our way down to the pool people were staring. This is a fucking horror convention people. We have one weekend out of our lives to go all out and act like total freaks of nature. The fans knew something big was going to happen by the pool at 11:30 pm because we started to spread rumors. Little did they know Deiter Laser from The Human Centipede was in on it. I thought it was pretty amazing when he screamed at all of us to get on our knees. Although, when he started to press our faces in each other’s asses….I kept saying to myself, “OH MY GOD THIS SUCKS!” I was in the worst spot. The second person in line right behind Yosh. So I had Yosh ass all in my face. I was dying for him to push us in the pool already. As I assumed, the water was fracking freezing and my fundoshi came off as soon as I hit. Thank God for towels. What made this event even better was all the fans that were standing around taking pictures, making videos, and screaming OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME. You can watch a video of it down below….



I would also like to thank the annoying little fucker that stepped on my foot before I was pushed into the water by Laser. Later that night was a fun mess of drunken debauchery. Yosh and I exchanged clothes. I wore his gear and he wore my dress. What a character. We were in the same elevator as Angus Scrimm. Marc translated to Angus that he was a HUGE Phantasm fan. Then he got Angus to give us one, “BOYYYYYYYY!”

Now, before all this madness I did have another panel that is worth mentioning. They showed a screening of the short film DOLLBOY directed by Billy Pon. When I announced their names they asked if I could refer to the writer as, “Billy’s Bloody Bitch.” I’m going to have to ask him what that was about. I have to admit I was impressed by this short. My favorite line in the film was after a young man steps on a nail he screams, “I’m going to have to get a Tetanus shot now!” He wasn’t at all worried about the fat man with a sledgehammer wearing a creepy doll face. I thought this young man was a delight! He is only 19 and it was his first horror convention. This boy, Shawn Black, was the cutest effing thing I had ever seen and I was impressed with his acting skills. He was by far my favorite character in the film. Stay tuned for my full review on the film.






Before the screening of Doll Boy I finally got to see the trailer that won the Hobo With a Shotgun contest. That trailer would be MISTER FISTER! Billy says he hopes to start filming in the Summer. Watch it and laugh…..




I hate waking up on Sunday because it means I have to go home in a few hours and return to my life around people who are far from open minded. This is when I take the time to get more autographs and check out everyone’s booths. I finally got to meet Shawnee Smith and Cary Elwes from SAW. I desperately wanted a picture of Shawnee from The Stand but there weren’t any. Poo L I also wanted Cary to sign a picture from Princess Bride or Robin Hood Men in Tights but they were out. So I settled for a hilarious picture from SAW. Interesting fact, Cary Elwes is also Jewish. We talked about Passover. He said, “from one Jew to another….keep it up.” If only I had more time to chit chat. I realize Costas Mandylor was there and while I agree he is a good actor….I am not a fan of any of the Saw’s after part 3. I honestly wish they just would of stopped at three. I guess I have a woody for Shawnee Smith. At 12pm they started the Boondock Saints Panel which I did not attend. I think I had enough alone time with Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery to be satisfied and I still had booths to check out. In my opinion the Sweatshop booth was the best. I am not just saying that because they’re my friends I promise! You can see for yourself down below that it was indeed the best. I couldn’t help but notice someone was selling Zombie Barbies and I thought to myself, “What the fuck.” So I wonder how many of those were sold. My favorite item purchased throughout the whole weekend was my ALUCARDA t-shirt. I was going to get a Basket Case t-shirt then I saw that! In case you didn’t know, Alucarda is one of my favorite vampire films of all time. Truly, a masterpiece so I couldn’t resist.




Starting at 2pm they began the panels for the Texas Frightmare Makers. I was suppose to be a part of this panel but it was time for me to head back to Boremont, Tx. I have written previous articles about Texas Film and plan to write even more in the future so keep an eye out for that. I hope that I am not leaving anything out. There was so much to write about. I just want to thank my lovely old lady Roxy Vandiver, Loyd Cryer for making all of this possible, Parrish Randall for thinking of me when it comes to hosts for the convention, the other three girls hosting panels, Yoshihiro Nishimura and Eihi Shiina for showing me a good time, John Torrani, Marc Walkow for talking me into the Fundoshi-pede, Ted Geoghegan for complimenting the way I sing, Gary and Rodrigo from Rue Morgue, Lucky McKee for being as friendly as always, Bob Sanders for your photography, and Norman Reedus for setting my hair on fire and saying my accent was adorable. That’s it folks! Below are a billion pictures taken of all the good times at the event....

 Yoshi aka The Yosh as I like to call him, director of a few Asian horror films that are some of the most entertaining horror films I've ever seen. We took several pictures of several different poses and this is our 'scary face.'

Just finished eating lunch and signing an autograph.

Lucky McKee.  He directed one of my favorite films of all time, May. I will post my interview when I am no longer feeling lazy. The interview is over two years old. We were both wearing Star Wars shirts. Nice....

Ted Geoghagen and  The Yosh showing their love for one another's bald head. Honestly, it's no secret that The Yosh has always wanted Ted's penis. In the back, Eihi Sheena from Audition and Jason Eisener, the director of Hobo With a Shotgun. We all went for BBQ.

 Another one of our ridiculous poses and Roxy sneaking up in the back....

VIP party with director of Human Centipede, Tom Sixx, and the villain, Dieter Laser.

One of the million pictures Roxy and I have with Boondock Saints Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery.

 Roxy and I on the red carpet.

 Some random person took this. Helldriver Panel.

 I LOVE this random picture.

Picture of The Human Centipede in motion.

Eihi Sheena and I eating BBQ together. When I became a big fan of Audition in 1999....I did not expect to eat BBQ with this gorgeous woman.

 That's right.

 Helldriver panel.

Jason Eisener, Shawn Black, and myself making our 'serious face'

Another Helldriver panel picture.

 Dollboy panel.

 John Torrani and I were the coolest nerds in that room.

 Macr and Yosh were pointing at me screaming me to jump in. Little did I know I would be the next night.

 Doug Bradley aka Pinhead from Hellraiser and Roxy.

Jason Eisener trying to eat Torrani's arm at the BBQ place. OMG that food was awesome.

Fan picture of Roxy and I on the red carpet.

 My shoes are awesome.




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