When I am at baby showers and bored. No really, I did this at a friend's recent baby shower. I can drink ad you can't, NEENER!
This one is for you, Ashley Sylvester! As soon as I saw Scream 4, I automatically thought this chick was my best friend Ashley. The hair, the facial expressions, the "I am hotter and cooler than you" vibe and all that jazz. The only difference, her character was a huge fan of really good horror movies. Ashley doesn't know what a good horror movie is.
What my left boob says to my right boob after my son has fed more on one side than the other. Don't worry, it all evens out eventually.
When someone on a social networking site messages me with, "Hey dude. Did you see what *beep* said about you on their blog/face book page?" This also applies to when I piss people off with my sarcasm.
Stare at this for at least ten minutes and get back to me.
When people give me lip at the bar. Oh your drink isn't strong enough? It's too strong? You're never coming here on my shifts again? I am a dirty cunt?
My fiance's breath in the morning.
This is true. It's hard to choose between cats and dogs but the bottom line is, cats are more hardcore, territorial, and lethal. They also have more personality.
I feel Chow's pain because I am getting tired of adding numbers to my pass words. Dicks.
I would never admit to liking Sam either. He has only had sex with every woman in Boston.
Did that bitch seriously wear that? Who looks in the mirror with that outfit and says, "I look good?"
All aging women think I want their man's penis. I am too good looking for your man. Get over it.
When my father talks about praising Jesus to strangers that don't want to hear about it.
When BTJUNKIE went down :(
What I wish I could scream to my ex's wife. I actually could if I wanted to. It's a free country. I just vowed to keep cool around rednecks as much as possible because they have issues and they scare me.
I swear I had this exact conversation with my mother, years ago.
When my crew decides to have a dinner party at my house and tells me they are paying for half of the food and alcohol.
If I ever have to sit at a booth for a convention across some unholy tramp that I cannot stand.
SO many reactions. When people go on a rant about how ghosts are real. When people go on a rant about how Obama is not a real US citizen. When people tell me that Rob Zombie is a better director than John Carpenter. When people constantly send me their work to critique, even though I didn't respond the first 50 times. When people play Steely Dan on the jukebox.
I am uncomfortable about gooey feelings so this applies to me..... Unless I am drunk.
Sometimes, having a best girl friend is not a good idea.
When I have a new outfit to wear out.
Seeing women who have to wear makeup to look pretty without their makeup.
Ah yes, if only I could do this to so many men.
When bar patrons argue and try to get me into the conversations. Politics and religion are a no no.
What I look like in my kitchen....... With better hair.
A girl that is always trying to suck up to me and be my 'best friend.' Same goes with a few guys. Stop creeping.
Because I had the most embarrassing wedding of all time when I was 17, I deserve my fairy tale now.
When a man tries to rape me.
No tiny foreign penis. I do not want to touch you.
What I think about pink bows and dresses.
Walking in on friends having sex.
Ready to go out with the girls.
THIS IS SOOOO ME! I have closet(s) full of clothes and I never have anything to wear.
When a guy at the bar tries to tell me about his accomplishments and why I should date a guy like him.
Supporting a friend's shitty band.
I don't have a response. Girls can be so mean.
I have always wanted to get into a dildo fight.
I miss saying this. Now it's, "I'm going to swing by the flea market to see if I can score some rare VHS to add to my collection."
Creepers on the internet that so desperately want to be a part of the horror scene.
When people interview me, I pretty much do the same. Not everyone is going to like what you write and people are going to write bullshit blogs about you no matter what. It just gets scary when you see that they spend an unholy amount of time stalking you and saving your pictures.
After reading Game of Thrones.
I am not the romantic type but gosh this is an amazing feeling.... When it happens.
Everytime I leave/get fired from a job.
When girlfriends of mine ramble on to another guy about their life story and how hard it is for them.
Me feelings uncomfortable in churches.
Once in a blue moon, I get depressed.
A slow night at the bar with the craziest customers in the world.
What you're thinking of typing to me RIGHT NOW!
When a girlfriend tells me she is pregnant and can no longer drink with me.