I'd like to thank the MENSA board for asking me to lead a horror-themed panel. Naturally, I chose to speak about feminism and horror. This was a nerve-inducing event for me because it's far from leading a panel at a horror convention. These are all guests of a higher intelligence that go through complicated testing in order to join. Though I felt I was out of my depth, I had a room full of eager attendees who remained interactive and I couldn't be happier with the welcoming outcome. The certificate I received warmed my heart and I never felt so connected with fellow lovers of cinema.
My blog has been going through some changes. A whole new look and I deleted a lot of things. I don't have as much time to write on here while I am writing for other websites and Wesley will be here any day now. I didn't want any posts negatively talking down on anyone because I am just not an angry person. Like the post "I Believe She Has a Penis." It was a popular post and it made others laugh but who am I to judge if a woman wants to go through plastic surgery to look like a cat? I am just so full of joy, I don't have anything but love for almost everything. Stalkers and trolls don't apply but there is no place for them on here as I said in my previous post. I will finish working on the layout another day. It's bothering me that I cannot get that banner straight but I am too tired to struggle with these things.
Typically, I have so much to discuss after Texas Frightmare Weekend but due to my condition this year, my partying and exploring were limited. I don't know what I was thinking when I told Loyd I would be happy to host again and I could do it pregnant. It's a good thing I didn't. This girl had to keep taking naps and it didn't seem like I had enough time to do everything I wanted to do. You can actually listen to my experience on the podcast I hosted with Char Hardin for Wicked Channel and Parrish Randall joined in as well as a surprise appearance by Billy Pon.The first day, I wore my Hustler t-shirt. REPRESENT! Trying to represent The official Hustler documentary any way. I honestly cannot wait to shoot my promo for the project. It's going to be tasteful and sexy and good Lord it will be nice to model without being pregnant again. I was involved with so many photoshoots throughout this pregnancy, it's tiring. I am still waiting on the photos and I am a little impatient. All the others that have been posted make me happy though. I am in love with my confidence and thank you for all the love on my maternity photos! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. Another shoot is set for next Tuesday. Wesley will be here in 2 weeks! The signature on my stomach is from Michael Rooker. Roxy became buddies with him on Thursday and had to introduce me. I didn't even ask him to sign anything. He jumped up to sign my stomach right away. He was a gentleman and he made me laugh. My brother and Chris are holding their very own Mister Fister t-shirts! They fully support me being in the film and they're excited I am going to be a part of it. I cannot believe how much I already have lined up for after the baby is born. Next year I will probably have a booth, promoting more but that all depends. It seemed like it was a hassell having a booth and I usually just want to have fun. Chris will be back again and little Wesley will be there of corpse! My daughter isn't a fan of horror fans so I never bring her. Plus, I am usually working when I go. Maybe one day I can convince her to come and dress up like a zombie. That's Jay as the tall demon by the way. He always takes care of Roxy and I ad he's a delight to be around. Photography by Bob Sanders, who also takes care of Roxy and I. Did I mention that Chris is quite the prepster?
Everything was different this year. The event took place in an entirely different hotel. It was larger than usual with more space for vendors and guests. A lot of people seemed to have a laundry list of complaints but there were also several that were perfectly happy with their experience. My list of complaints isn't necessarily huge. I still had a great time. We were given room 237, the room in The Shining, and it seemed so many things were going wrong. Chris thought it was an omen. Four people went to the hospital for food poisoning and my brother also got sick. There seemed to be some drama that I was not around for. A gentlemen was escorted out of the prom and he wasn't happy about it. He broke into a glass case on the 6th floor with his bare hands and got blood all over the place, leading up to his room. Apparently, he was arrested. Texas Frightmare Weekend is like a family event for a lot of us. We are all very close and drama is not wanted. We just want to have a good time. So I am glad that was the only drama going on, that I was aware of. I attended the prom for maybe 30 minutes. I got bored and it was loud. There were a lot of people dancing and having fun so I bet it was a blast, just not for an 8 month pregnant woman. I did enjoy the costumes and the buckets with streamers hanging on a few of the attendants. Bravo. But the best costume I saw was Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Chris decided he was too cool to shave for prom so he looks a little rugged. He has a baby face. Photography by Bob Sanders again.
Anthony Michael Hall is actually a fan of Roxy's and even bought her autograph prints. The two have become friends and text on a regular basis now. This is so funny to me. He's a genuinely nice guy and I am a huge fan. He, along with several others, was eager to talk about pregnancy and ask several questions about the process. It was cute. You may remember my brother David tagging along before. I love this picture of him I took because he looks so Jewish. My family is very dark with dark hair, middle eastern but I took on my father's Irish side and came out lighter.
The Q&As for Masters of Italian and Michael Madsen has been added to Wicked Channel. It's an interesting read and they were my favorite guests to meet and talk with. Total nerdgasm. You can read the Michael Madsen Q&A here.
I would like to thank all my friends and fans for the gifts! I received a retarded amount of support, love, and gifts from you guys. Over 100 VHS tapes from three different people, a Hebrew Coca Cola shirt, actions figures, and more! It's strange that I don't have more to report but check out those Q&As on Wicked Channel and you can listen to all the madness on the podcast. I am sad that we were all spread out this year and couldn't manage to get a group photo. Our horror family is so big, this was hard to accomplish. But I still managed to get photos with several of my homies.
Tiffany Shepis and I have talked a few times. I was happy to meet her in person finally and even though we had so much to talk about, we didn't have enough time. Too many things going on!
I was signing America's Bad Kids prints. I felt bad because I couldn't stay at the booth for long. I kept getting winded and needed to take naps and eat. Next year, I promise to be more active but I will have a one-year-old son so partying like a rock star as usual at these events is out of the question. The last day Roxy was sporting her Back Issues: Hustler documentary t-shirt. REPRESENT!
It looks like I owe Diverse Works Art Space a big THANKS for having me twice in one week. First I get to model for the most chaotic event I've ever been involved with then I get to attend John Waters' one man show and Q&A. The tickets for this show were limited and they were quite pricey ($250-$500.) In my blog for the Art Explosion I mentioned how disappointed I was for not being able to meet John Waters within such short notice. I envied those who were attending. By the grace of Moses, I got lucky and I was put on the guest list plus one. The plus one being Roxy Vandiver of corpse. I called her up explaining the event and Roxy's response was, "Dude, you had me at John Waters." You guys should witness Roxy and I getting dolled up for these occasions. It's never boring. Roxy puts on this purple cocktail dress and green fishnets with black and white striped heels. She looked like a sexier Joker. She asks me, "Is this too much?" NONSENSE! This is John fucking Waters! We can't even out do drag queens. Imagine the freak show that's going to be attending this event. I wore my black and white polka dot dress and fishnets with black gloves. We arrived and it's all normal, well-dressed Houstonians. I guess that's my bad, but we did stand out. I wish I had more time to speak to more of the attendees so that I could understand their reasoning for being there that night. We did speak to two guys hanging around outside the show with a Jameson t-shirt and a Troll 2 t-shirt on the other. It was fabulous. I also have to point out that I had the best questions for John. This isn't vanity. Everyone told me so after the show. I asked him if there was anything he wouldn't do sexually in the bedroom. I was expecting him to say no to eating his significant others feces but his answer was actually necrophilia.
Inside, they were handing out bags of goodies and a pamphlet with fake John Waters mustaches attached. I wore mine for a total of 10 minutes because it didn't want to cooperate with my face. Others also seemed to have a hard time keeping this on but I did keep mine as a souvenir. I am so jealous of his mustache. I would love to ride on that face all day every day. After John's hilarious, charismatic, and brutally honest performance we got to mingle and enjoy spectacularly thrown together snacks; bags of popcorn, Justin Bieber cups with spicy Chex Mix, and Divine dog turds. Did I have a Divine turd? You bet your sweet ass I did. Don't believe me? Here's a picture of it below! It was a bit nutty.
John Waters' one man show was a fascinating journey into the depths of depravity in his felicitously ingenious and mind. It's hard to sum up the man's life within 90 minutes. He recalled past experiences with his films, favorite works of art, love for true crime, fashion, and the trashiest acts of depravity known to man. He encourages everyone, children included, to open their arms to filth and embrace our nature. This beautiful man has directed sixteen films, shared his photography in galleries all over the world, and he's the author of six books including Role Models. I was fortunate enough to get a signed copy of the book for free on account of me being a huge retarded fan of his. He also signed my copies of Cry Baby and Serial Mom, some of my personal favorites. He's also a member of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, past member of The Andy Warhol Foundation, and is currently on The Wexner Center International Arts Advisory Council. In addition to his performance, he's giving Houston his first solo exhibition titled "Neurotic." Neurotic features photographs, sculptures, and montages that embody Waters' provocative themes such as race, sex, gender, consumerism, and religion. He loves dangerous and contemporary art and what you can get away with. It's like a secret group with secret handshakes. If someone says, "My kid could have done that" he says, "Yea but they didn't did they stupid?" It's apparent that there's a difference between seeing something and looking at something.
John opened up with how he got into exploitation and the arts. Just as I suspected, he took pleasure out of offending others. Especially, when he got into Catholic school. He did assure us that it's not all about shock and disgust. Then he opened up about his fondness for K Fed and Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber is who he really wants to marry. I wish to explore this further. What is John's fascination with that young lad? Maybe it's his boyish good looks. I personally think he looks like a really cute girl. He's a big William Castle fan and enjoys the skeletons on a wire bit but the director who really inspired him was Kroger Babb. Kroger Babb was into making sex education films and documentaries. His exploitation film "Mom and Dad" is a sex hygiene film that was condemned by the National Legion of Decency but it became one of the highest grossing films of the 1940s. They showed the film for six years in Baltimore and Waters' was a huge fan. He explained that the film contains medical footage of a baby being born and men were actually wanking to this. This is the first I am hearing of Mom and Dad. I get surprised when someone mentions a film or director I have never heard of. Especially, when it comes to exploitation. Porn is another favorite of his. He acknowledged that the porn business is in trouble and only idiots pay for porn. There are two recent porn flicks that he does enjoy. One is called "Occupy My Throat" and it's based on the occupy movement in Oakland. The other is called, "My Ass is Haunted." John asks the question, "What do you mean it's haunted? Is there a goblin that guards your ass?" I mostly enjoyed the segment where he explained his own films. "People see these movies and they think, you must have been on drugs. Well, we were. " For Mondo Trasho, they "found a pig farm to shoot in and the pigs started fucking when they saw Divine. He turned them on and he was pig porn." Pink Flamingos is most notorious of his films without a doubt. If he hadn't included the infamous eating shit scene by Divine, he feels Johnny Knoxville would have done it eventually. He loves Jackass and the body sweat cocktail scene is his favorite. Divine was on welfare at the time of Pink Flamingos. John says that the cast was so poor they couldn't eat and they were brave to make the film. The film is about limits. He showed Pink Flamingos while he was teaching in prison and all the murderous inmates told him that HE was fucked up. When he wrote Hairspray, Divine was going to play Tracy AND the mother but Ricki Lake ultimately took on the role of Tracy. Divine died a week after Hairspray and John is still shocked by his death to a heroine overdose at the age of 44. John Waters and Co. all bought graves next to Divine's and they call it "Disgrace-Land." Cry Baby is a movie on juvenile delinquency. Juvenile delinquency is "important" to John and far more exciting than trying to be bad at 70. This is why Cry Baby is one of my favorites. He opened up about the cast and said he just wrapped a film with Traci Lords that premiered at Sundance. "I play a priest and she plays an uptight mother, times have changed." What had me giggling was his impression of Susan Tyrell, "Hi, my name is SueSue and I have the pussy of a 10 year old." Apparently, that's how she use to introduce herself. Now that's something I cannot picture. I recently typed up a review for Nightmare Maker starring Susan Tyrell as the villain and her incestuous performance was unforgettable, as it was in Cry Baby. I wonder what Susan is doing NOW. I meant to ask John how he decided to use her in Cry Baby. Nightmare Maker was on the infamous Video Nasty list so maybe he was a fan of the film. Serial Mom is his favorite because it's about killing people just for getting on your nerves or pissing you off. He did a lovely Kathleen Turner impression, "I hear you make the best Martini in town. Prove it." I realize that doesn't seem funny while reading it. That's one of those "had to be there" and hear it for yourself gimmicks. Just try to imagine it for yourself. Kathleen Turner has an incredibly deep voice. Pecker was his film about the art world and it's when tea bagging caught on. He wanted to come up with new sex acts and he thought about Christmas sex acts. "How about a string of lights?" Multicolored loads decorated all over your loved ones. Can you see it? Or a Snowman. "You get a facial, go outside, freeze and come back in. MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
I love it when comedians and performers point out things that get under their skin. Some of the things he pointed out were women showing their tits on the red carpet. "Don't give it away for free." He feels like men should show off their balls on the red carpet, including Brad Pitt. I have to agree with the magazines by the toilet bit. I wondered about this issue a few days ago while peeing in a friends bathroom. I let him borrow my copy of Stephen King's It and the book has been sitting in that bathroom for a while. "Haven't you ever heard of shit or get off the pot? You're straining for 20 minutes with this magazine." Now that's how you get a blossom. I highly recommend some Preparation-H if you really do spend that much time on the toilet just a straining away. Another complaint I agree with is when you invite people to dinner parties and there's the whiner complaining that they cannot eat what you're having. The man had the perfect response, "Well then fuck you, don't come."
Other topics he addressed were offbeat sexual attractions like sexual attraction to food, people who fuck pies. Feeders and chubby chasers, whatever you do don't see the film Feeders. Balloonies, people who get off on popping balloons. An attendant sat on a balloon after the show and kept popping all of the balloons with excitement. Then he pops the question, "anal bleaching, is that true? Nosey little rimmer looking around." He educated us in terms like blossoms. Blossoms are when you have been fist fucked so much, your anus is blown up on the outside. As most of you know, he's also a homosexual and gay rights activist. I was happy to hear some of his thoughts on marital issues. Make hetero-divorce illegal. It's funny, I just googled "hetero-divorce" and a link for John Waters' ranting on making hetero-divorce illegal. "Why should anyone care if a gay couple adopts a baby? Take it from an orphanage and save them. They have it made. " But he also feels there are too many gay people. He's for coming "in." One of his favorite films is Wizard of Oz and he wants to remake the film because he cannot understand why Dorothy would want to go back to that farm. She takes some poppers and goes back to Oz where Scarecrow has made a book called "Dorothy and Friends." The Tin Man is a yoga instructor now. The lion is a drag queen named Aurora. Dorothy now owns a gay bar called the "Yellow Brick Load." I hope I remembered all of those details correctly. So much to recall. He's a fan of broadway and wants to make a Hindu musical. He mentioned a song called, "Gandhi, cock sucker, you be the judge."
Some Additional Things I Learned About John Waters That Night: *He loves hitchhiking.
*He loves the expression "the V of her crouch" and he looks at the V of girl's crouches. He tried to get Edith Massey to say it but she couldn't say it right because of her teeth.
*He loves Ike and Tina Turner together even though Ike beat Tina repetitively and remembers their crappy green bus with Ike and Tina Review hand painted on the side. She had a mustache back then.
*He's a big Lars Von Tier fan and named Melancholia as one of the best films from last year.
* He wants to have an abortion film festival. That would be interesting.
To my surprise, I was fortunate enough to sit in the second row for The Royal Tenenbaum's Screening and Q&A. I was also surprised to see that Bill Murray, Angelica Huston, and Gwyneth Paltrow were present for the Q&A, along with Wes Anderson. This happens to be one of my favorite and most quoted film of all time. Going to the 10th Anniversary was a big deal to me. It's amazing to me how close John Torrani and I were sitting. I took several pictures while Torrani filmed the Q&A.
Everyone expressed how terrified they were to work with Gene Hackman. I couldn't believe everything that had been said about the actor. However, they did make it clear that he wasn't as bad as they were making him out to be. Angelica Houston laughs and recalls filming the scene in the park where Gene Hackman tells her he's dying, "That was my first scene with Gene Hackman and I was particularly terrified, because I could tell he wasn't in a very good mood that morning," Huston said. "It was a very cold morning, and I was wearing kid gloves, and in rehearsal, I slapped his lapel. When we went ahead and shot it, I hit him a really good. I saw the imprint of my hand on his cheek. It was pretty good; I really liked that scene."
Wes Anderson chimed in, "The take we use is when you whacked him. I remember I was trying to get him to say goddamn. He said he didn't want to say goddamn; he wanted to say damn because, 'They'll just change it later.' I said, 'Nobody is going to change it later.' He said, 'No, not saying it.' Then when you hit him he said, 'Goddamn.'" The whole crowd laughed. During the entire event the cast was almost in tears from laughing so hard. It was probably for the best that Hackman did not show up for the festival because of how much he intimidated Wes. "I was scared. They weren't," said Wes Anderson and Paltrow replied with, "I was very scared." Huston agreed, "I was a lot scared, but I was more concerned with protecting Wes."
"I loved working with him," said Paltrow. "I loved being in the same scenes as him. He was kind of a bear of a guy, but I also found something very sweet and sad in there. I liked him a lot. I think he's one of the greatest actors who ever lived. To be in his presence and watch him do his thing. It's like........ you know, you're Gene Hackman, you can be in a bad fucking mood."
Murray also had good things to say about Gene. "I'll stick up for Gene too. I'd hear these stories, like, 'Gene threatened to kill me today.' 'He can't kill you, you're in a union.' 'Gene threatened to take all of us and set fire to us.' 'It's a union shoot, it's New York, he can't set fire to you.' Gene does his thing and it takes about 50-60 seconds, and Luke blew his line 13 or 14 times. Luke Wilson. I thought Luke was good? He's not good. Because at the time, he was in love with this girl over here" (Murray points at Paltrow) "and he couldn't think straight. So that's the problem with Gene. He had to work with Luke who was dizzy in love and Kumar Pallana, every single day. He had, like, a complete spaced-out high school kid and Kumar every single day. How many of you have worked with Kumar? None of you! You wouldn't be here if you had. Kumar makes Luke Wilson look like Gielgud. If I had to work with Kumar and Luke Wilson, I would have set fire to this whole building."
When asked, Gwyneth went into detail about how she enjoyed working with Wes Anderson. "My word would be specific. I've never worked with any director who is so precise about not only what he wants, but it's far beyond that. I remember our first meeting in SoHo, and he was just explaining the role. 'She wears black eyeliner and her hair is kinda the color of your coat and it's about to here, and she wears Izod dresses.' It was like, 'OK, great.' I felt so comfortable because he knew exactly what he wanted. It was constructed in such precise way and I had this freedom underneath it. I didn't have to worry about what I was doing."
Angelica Huston agreed, "He's someone I like to be around. He's somebody who you're happy to be included within his circle." The actress has done three films with the director. Initially, she also was not interested in doing the film until additional scenes providing more character depth were written specifically for her and Hackman. Huston's character was loosely based on Wes Anderson's mother who became an archeologist after divorcing his father. She even wore her actual glasses, according to Wes. It's amazing, when I met Huston I told her that she looked a lot like my mother. She laughed but I hope by saying that, I didn't offend her because my love for the actress is pretty deep.
Bill Murray also enjoyed working with Wes, "I don't want to say he's weak; that puts him in a category with McCartney and Hackman. I don't know if there's a word that says he's someone I look forward to working with again. I don't want to say exciting. 'Exciting?' I'm animated. I think he gets things out of people that they don't get out ordinarily. He makes us all do something different." Speaking of weak, earlier Bill mentioned that Hackman was weak. Hackman almost didn't do the film but eventually caved and Murray responded with, "He's weak. Gene is weak. When you challenge someone like Gene, you find his weakness. He's a great actor and he was great in the movie and all of us here hate Gene Hackman."
Murray seemed to have a major hard on for Gwyneth, "To work with Gwyneth, I really loved working with Gwyneth. I don't want to say anything that you'll misinterpret, but I loved working with Gwyneth. She believes what I believe." Okay, maybe not a 'hard on' but he expressed a lot of feelings about working with her. It's funny, Bill showed up a day early for the film festival but laughed it off and stayed to watch a screening of Pedro Almodovar's new film The Skin I Live In. He comes off as a cool guy that likes to laugh, despite his anger over the whole Ghostbusters III issue.
The version of 'The Royal Tenebaums' that you've seen actually isn't the version that premiered at the New York Film Festival ten years ago. That cut used many Beatles songs, for which Anderson wasn't able to secure the rights. Paltrow says, "I tried to bribe Paul McCartney. Sex and everything. I ended up taking him bowling, weirdly enough, with Heather Mills, his ex-wife, and Luke Wilson. Wes put me on a mission. 'You gotta get the rights!' He loved the movie, then we went bowling and he said he has nothing to do with the rights." How unfortunate.
For those of you who haven't seen The Royal Tenebaums, I suggest that you do yourself a favor and find a copy. It's a remarkable and artistic film that will have you gasping for air from laughing so hard. That is….if you understand all the references and jokes. I would like to spend more time on this and tell you more about the film but I am running out of time. I will say that I wish I could do a photo shoot in a Gypsy Cab but I doubt I will ever come across one. Someone in the crowd asked what they felt about Gypsy Cabs. Murray replied with, "I think that's a question for the ladies." Everyone laughed but no one wanted to answer.
Also, I am sad that Kumar didn't show. Apparently, he shows up for everything but not this time. "He has the cancer."
Below are pictures of me with Angelica Huston and Bill Murray........dream come true.
It was hard to fathom that an entire year had gone by since the last Frightmare Weekend. It seems like just yesterday John Carpenter was calling me a babe and winking at me. Yes, I still like to brag about that. I am in fact a nerd and I will never forget that. Sure enough, it came and boy what a weekend it was! Other conventions around the US don't even compare to TFW! This is the MOTHER of all conventions. Although, John Torrani swears to me that New Yorks conventions are far better. Guess I will find out three weeks from now when I'm in New York. I arrived Thursday evening and waited impatiently for my old lady, Roxy Vandiver (who is not old at all,) to finish getting all dolled up. First we hit the bar then we were approached by a photographer by the name of Bob Sanders and that Tall Demon Guy (sorry dude I cannot remember your name.) After a lot of Jameson we agreed to do a photoshoot in his hearse. As soon as we got to the hearse we saw Norman Reedus having a cigarette break. To my surprise, Reedus joined in on the photoshoot. You can see pictures of the photoshoot down below. I have several pictures of this on a zip drive thanks to the photographer Bob Sanders but I am sooooooo busy I still haven't added all the pictures.
Roxy and I spent the majority of the evening with Reedus. We talked about The Walking Dead and what to expect from season two on AMC. According to Reedus, his character becomes a hero. Madison Lintz, who plays Sophia, eventually gets lost and he comes to her rescue. You may remember Reedus in Walking Dead as a racist, uneducated, and incredibly violent person. I cannot wait to see where this goes. He also promises more zombie killing and pushing AMC’s boundaries a little further. He mentioned Dark Tower a couple of times but wasn’t giving any information on the project. But he did ask me if I could see him play Eddie Dean. I hope the role goes to him. Then we talked about his appearance in Lady GaGa’s new video, Judas. I’m not up to date on her music so this was a surprise to me. He explained his part in the music video with so much happiness. He was so excited about riding the motorcycle. The video is very strange and I do not know what to think of it. Surely, Marilyn Manson is doing a good job re-inventing himself and using Reedus in his video was a good idea. He had a lot of flattering comments about Texas. I remember him yelling, “You guys in Texas are fucking crazy! It’s so awesome.” Then he kept wanting to get a purple Lamborghini and ride around the streets of Dallas with Roxy and I...... but there was a problem. There were three of us. Not enough room. The man also hates face book. I believe his exact words were, "I hate face book and everything it stands for! I will never have a face book." Then Reedus set my hair on fire! But eventually, my cigarette was lit and the smell went away. By this time Malcolm McDowell was walking in the hotel. Roxy insisted that we approach him and I believe my reaction was, “Jesus Christ dude, he hasn’t even checked in yet. Let the man settle in.” To be clear, when Roxy is drunk she’s going to do whatever she wants. I am glad that we said hi to him even though he gave me a big wet gross kiss on the mouth that I was not expecting. I have pictures of that extremely gross but hilarious and exciting kiss on that zip drive. When I have time, I will upload them. Apparently, there are a lot of them.
From there Roxy and I had a private photoshoot……..
Friday morning, and when I say morning I mean at least 2pm, I walked into the lobby where all the Red Carpet action was being held. Fans raced to the celebrity guests like vultures. Guests like; Robert Englund, Shawnee Smith, Cary Elwes, Lucky McKee, Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flannery, etc… were willingly letting the fans, photographers, and journalists take pictures. Unfortunately, I did not stick around during the entire event because too many people standing around me makes me nervous. I also prefer to ask the guests questions when we are one on one.
The first screenings and panels were actually the ones I was hosting. I felt extremely lucky that I just so happened to get the panels I wanted. The first screening was Yoshihiro Nishimura’s Vampire Girl VS Frankenstein Girl followed by Helldriver. Nishimura and Eihi Shiina were present for the Q&A that followed. They cannot speak English so they had a translator along with them named Marc Walkow, who often wears nothing but a Fundoshi along with them at such events. I have been a huge fan of Eihi Shiina for years. I’m sure you guys are familiar with Takahi Miike’s Audition right? I mean, if not then you’re not a true horror fan. This woman is absolutely breath-taking in person. It’s hard to look away. Nishimura, who I am actually just going to refer to as ‘The Yosh’ from now on, is probably one of the funniest film-makers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. John Torrani is rubbing off on me. Everyone has to have nick names now. Any who, I had never actually seen Helldriver so I was both excited and nervous about this panel. Needless to say, I was completely blown away by Helldriver. Crazy fucking Asians and their crazy fucking films. If you haven’t seen Helldriver I need you to stop what you are doing and find the means to watch it. Here’s a trailer down below:
I get excited every time I see the trailer again. In the near future I’ll send in a long and detailed review on the film. It has to be….the best film I’ve seen this year. So far any way. After the Q&A Yoshihiro Nishimura, Eihi Shiina, Ted Geoghegan, John Torrani, and myself along with others wandered over to the Jamboree Room to enjoy a little ‘Scaryoke.’ I wanted to stop by the SAW VIP Party but karaoke with The Yosh and Eihi Shiina just sounded better. After hearing people butchering songs that were horrible in the first place I poured my heart out to a little ‘I Touch Myself’ by The Divinyls. I have no idea what Yosh was singing because it was in another language. From this point on Eihi Shiina retired to bed but Yosh was more than happy to stay and get drunk with us at the bar. We took one crazy picture after another. The Rue Morgue guys Gary Pullin and Rodrigo Gudino are always fun to talk to when it comes to film. This year our topic for discussing was true crime. Rodrigo was interested in getting one of Jason Hughes’s West Memphis Three t-shirts but I had forgotten about it. We probably spent an entire hour talking about the monstrosity of that trial, the families, and the celebrities that have been helping out. I couldn’t believe that they had never heard of The Red Riding Trilogy! So hopefully I sold them on that. Then they informed me of a little documentary film called, “Dear Zachary” that would apparently ‘make me cry.’ It’s hard to imagine grown men crying in the middle of a movie so I checked it out. I almost cried midway through the film. When it was over I was feeling anger more than anything. I hadn't been that angry since I watched Paradise Lost. Thanks guys for recommending it to me. This is one of my favorite parts of conventions. To be able to talk to film-makers and fans of film. It makes me happier than a Jewish kid at Hanukkah. Comparing my 8 days of presents to THAT is saying a lot. We also spoke of John Waters after asking them about this new issue that hasn’t even hit stands yet. Down below is a sneak peak of the issue where John Water’s talks about his favorite horror film. It has already hit the stands I realize that now but if you haven’t checked it out…you simply must. And if you have not checked out my interview with Rodrigo...you totally should.
I’m not going to lie….the rest of the evening was a complete blur so lets move on to Saturday shall we? The Zombie Walk began at 8am as usual. I was too tired and hung over to join but judging from the pictures it looks like it was even better than the last. Around 12pm it was time for the Angus Scrimm Q&A. You can find clips of him singing all over You Tube by now. What a delightful old man. I use to be terrified to go to bed because of the Phantasm films….as silly as it may seem. Around 3pm, it was time for Robert Englund’s Q&A. I did not have the means to film this but a lot of fans did. This was actually an incredible Q&A. A fan asked Robert how he felt about the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. I bet this poor man gets asked this same question a hundred times a day. He basically indicated that everything gets remade. Is the same stories with a little extra. He's not surprised but he felt they did it too soon. He thinks Jackie is a great actor and he's proud to pass the torch onto him. The other actors are a part of the film he also enjoyed. "They're actors that aren't afraid to act." The man made a lot of good points. This motivated me to give the remake a chance two nights ago. While I still hate Platinum Dunes and everything Michael Bay stands for…..I am glad I watched the remake finally. The acting was as good as Robert said. I did enjoy the dream sequences. However, I was not into Freddy’s new look. I’m sorry! I am a fan of Jackie Earle Haley. He was incredible in Bad News Bears….but Robert will always be Freddy to me. Now I am getting off subject……
Later that day, I did get Robert to sign a glossy photo from Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3, which Is the best of the entire series….I dare you to tell me I am wrong. He noticed I was wearing a Star Wars T-Shirt and told me that he just finished doing some voice over animation with Mark Hamill. Robert and Hamill are actually good friends. In fact, if it weren’t for Robert not getting the role of Luke Skywalker and talking Hamill into auditioning….he never would of gotten the role. Unfortunately, I could not get a photo with Robert. You can take pictures of him but you cannot be in the photo with him. I have no idea what that’s about but I completely understand. Ashley Lawrence and Clive Barker (Hellraiser) were also not being photographed. Ashley had been in a car accident and even if you turn the flash off…the red light could still do severe damage to her eye.
As the time flew by Eihi Shiina, Yosh, Ted Geoghegan, John Torrani, Jason Eisner, and Marc Walkow, and myself left the convention to eat some Texas BBQ. During this amazing dinner a plan was being brewed for the evening. See, the night before….Yosh, Marc, and a young girl whose name I don’t remember all jumped in the pool wearing nothing but Fundoshis. Well this time it was planned that they would get the villain and director from The Human Centipede involved. This being Deiter Laser and Tom Six. I had no idea at this point in time that I would be one of the girls joining in what we call a ‘FUNDOSHI-PEDE.’ After dinner we all went back to the hotel to get ready for the VIP Party. Oh and on the bus ride home, Yosh agreed to wear one of my dresses later on that evening. Fun times. The VIP was so so as usual. We never stay long. In this case, we had big plans. I kept feeling sorry for Eihi Shiina because she had never been exposed to so many fans and people wanting to take pictures of her. I’m not sure if the fans realized it but her and Yosh don’t speak a word of English but I am sure they were flattered nonetheless. Shiina would say things to me in English here and there but very little. One thing is for sure….she knows who KEVIN COSTNER is. Any who, Marc frantically tried to find one more female for the ‘fundoshi-pede.’ I said no over and over and over again. I wanted to be a part of it but I am very shy. There were a lot of people by the pool. Some how after more Jameson I didn’t feel so shy about it. After all, it’s just like wearing a bathing suit. So we all went up to Yosh and Shiina’s hotel room where we put on the fundoshis. I knew mine wasn’t tight enough. If only it were a little tighter…..While we were putting these uncomfortable things on Yosh was dancing and waving his penis around Shiina’s face. Her reaction and laugh were cute. I guess they do this all the time. On our way down to the pool people were staring. This is a fucking horror convention people. We have one weekend out of our lives to go all out and act like total freaks of nature. The fans knew something big was going to happen by the pool at 11:30 pm because we started to spread rumors. Little did they know Deiter Laser from The Human Centipede was in on it. I thought it was pretty amazing when he screamed at all of us to get on our knees. Although, when he started to press our faces in each other’s asses….I kept saying to myself, “OH MY GOD THIS SUCKS!” I was in the worst spot. The second person in line right behind Yosh. So I had Yosh ass all in my face. I was dying for him to push us in the pool already. As I assumed, the water was fracking freezing and my fundoshi came off as soon as I hit. Thank God for towels. What made this event even better was all the fans that were standing around taking pictures, making videos, and screaming OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME. You can watch a video of it down below….
I would also like to thank the annoying little fucker that stepped on my foot before I was pushed into the water by Laser. Later that night was a fun mess of drunken debauchery. Yosh and I exchanged clothes. I wore his gear and he wore my dress. What a character. We were in the same elevator as Angus Scrimm. Marc translated to Angus that he was a HUGE Phantasm fan. Then he got Angus to give us one, “BOYYYYYYYY!”
Now, before all this madness I did have another panel that is worth mentioning. They showed a screening of the short film DOLLBOY directed by Billy Pon. When I announced their names they asked if I could refer to the writer as, “Billy’s Bloody Bitch.” I’m going to have to ask him what that was about. I have to admit I was impressed by this short. My favorite line in the film was after a young man steps on a nail he screams, “I’m going to have to get a Tetanus shot now!” He wasn’t at all worried about the fat man with a sledgehammer wearing a creepy doll face. I thought this young man was a delight! He is only 19 and it was his first horror convention. This boy, Shawn Black, was the cutest effing thing I had ever seen and I was impressed with his acting skills. He was by far my favorite character in the film. Stay tuned for my full review on the film.
Before the screening of Doll Boy I finally got to see the trailer that won the Hobo With a Shotgun contest. That trailer would be MISTER FISTER! Billy says he hopes to start filming in the Summer. Watch it and laugh…..
I hate waking up on Sunday because it means I have to go home in a few hours and return to my life around people who are far from open minded. This is when I take the time to get more autographs and check out everyone’s booths. I finally got to meet Shawnee Smith and Cary Elwes from SAW. I desperately wanted a picture of Shawnee from The Stand but there weren’t any. Poo L I also wanted Cary to sign a picture from Princess Bride or Robin Hood Men in Tights but they were out. So I settled for a hilarious picture from SAW. Interesting fact, Cary Elwes is also Jewish. We talked about Passover. He said, “from one Jew to another….keep it up.” If only I had more time to chit chat. I realize Costas Mandylor was there and while I agree he is a good actor….I am not a fan of any of the Saw’s after part 3. I honestly wish they just would of stopped at three. I guess I have a woody for Shawnee Smith. At 12pm they started the Boondock Saints Panel which I did not attend. I think I had enough alone time with Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery to be satisfied and I still had booths to check out. In my opinion the Sweatshop booth was the best. I am not just saying that because they’re my friends I promise! You can see for yourself down below that it was indeed the best. I couldn’t help but notice someone was selling Zombie Barbies and I thought to myself, “What the fuck.” So I wonder how many of those were sold. My favorite item purchased throughout the whole weekend was my ALUCARDA t-shirt. I was going to get a Basket Case t-shirt then I saw that! In case you didn’t know, Alucarda is one of my favorite vampire films of all time. Truly, a masterpiece so I couldn’t resist.
Starting at 2pm they began the panels for the Texas Frightmare Makers. I was suppose to be a part of this panel but it was time for me to head back to Boremont, Tx. I have written previous articles about Texas Film and plan to write even more in the future so keep an eye out for that. I hope that I am not leaving anything out. There was so much to write about. I just want to thank my lovely old lady Roxy Vandiver, Loyd Cryer for making all of this possible, Parrish Randall for thinking of me when it comes to hosts for the convention, the other three girls hosting panels, Yoshihiro Nishimura and Eihi Shiina for showing me a good time, John Torrani, Marc Walkow for talking me into the Fundoshi-pede, Ted Geoghegan for complimenting the way I sing, Gary and Rodrigo from Rue Morgue, Lucky McKee for being as friendly as always, Bob Sanders for your photography, and Norman Reedus for setting my hair on fire and saying my accent was adorable. That’s it folks! Below are a billion pictures taken of all the good times at the event....
Yoshi aka The Yosh as I like to call him, director of a few Asian horror films that are some of the most entertaining horror films I've ever seen. We took several pictures of several different poses and this is our 'scary face.'
Just finished eating lunch and signing an autograph.
Lucky McKee. He directed one of my favorite films of all time, May. I will post my interview when I am no longer feeling lazy. The interview is over two years old. We were both wearing Star Wars shirts. Nice....
Ted Geoghagen and The Yosh showing their love for one another's bald head. Honestly, it's no secret that The Yosh has always wanted Ted's penis. In the back, Eihi Sheena from Audition and Jason Eisener, the director of Hobo With a Shotgun. We all went for BBQ.
Another one of our ridiculous poses and Roxy sneaking up in the back....
VIP party with director of Human Centipede, Tom Sixx, and the villain, Dieter Laser.
One of the million pictures Roxy and I have with Boondock Saints Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery.
Roxy and I on the red carpet.
Some random person took this. Helldriver Panel.
I LOVE this random picture.
Picture of The Human Centipede in motion.
Eihi Sheena and I eating BBQ together. When I became a big fan of Audition in 1999....I did not expect to eat BBQ with this gorgeous woman.
That's right.
Helldriver panel.
Jason Eisener, Shawn Black, and myself making our 'serious face'
Another Helldriver panel picture.
Dollboy panel.
John Torrani and I were the coolest nerds in that room.
Macr and Yosh were pointing at me screaming me to jump in. Little did I know I would be the next night.
Doug Bradley aka Pinhead from Hellraiser and Roxy.
Jason Eisener trying to eat Torrani's arm at the BBQ place. OMG that food was awesome.
