Movies We Love: Showgirls

"A young drifter, named Nomi, arrives in Las Vegas to become a dancer and soon sets about clawing and pushing her way to become the top of the Vegas showgirls."

Once upon a time, Showgirls held a record for the most Razzie nominations. Thirteen to be exact, taking home seven. I Know Who Killed Me would take it's place, followed by Jack and Jill. This NC-17 baddie may have flopped at the box office but we all still hold it dear in our perverted hearts. Even Quentin Tarantino has a soft spot for this erotic drama. This wasn't meant to be one of those "It's so bad it's good" flicks. Flopping wasn't a part of the plan. Dream team Joe Eszterhas and Paul Verhoeven were hoping for success after the epic Hollywood erotic thriller Basic Instinct. Millions of dollars were put into this production. So how did it fail? Kyle MachLachan, Gina Gershon, and Elizabeth "I'm Not a Whore" Berkley are all talented actors but their performances are ruined by a hideous script that desperately needs a make over. Screen writer Eszterhas didn't put a whole lot of effort into turning this into a masterpiece. The directing is the best thing this hot mess has going for it, along with the stage production and wardrobe department. Fortunately, Showgirls earned over $100 million in video rentals, which is one of the highest grossing. Hell, I remember my brother's renting this flick almost every week.

Prostitute turned stripper turned show girl, Nomi Malone, finds herself sharing a mobile home with a show girl seamstress in Las Vegas after running away from a whole bag of issues and crooked past. Nomi Malone is a character the audience equally hates and adores. It's okay not to like her back-stabbing road to fame but it's hard not to want her to succeed. Little is known about Nomi's dance education. We only know that she has the pelvic thrust talent that she likely picked up after a whole lot of fucking. Hooking and drugs controlled her life after the murder-suicide of her parents. She cannot pronounce Versace and she refuses to be called a whore or a stripper, even though that's exactly what she is. Nomi has a Masters in nail design and strongly opposes to icing her nipples - A tactic even models use before shooting.

I'm really not attracted to Elizabeth Berkley's look here.

Meet Cristal "I Quote Elvis Too Much" Connors. What we know about Cristal is that she's the star of the show, attracted to both boys and girls, and never eats brown rice and vegetables. She climbed her way up from Texas and abuses the word "Darlin." More importantly, she loves to taunt Nomi Malone. After eight years starring in the show, it's time for an aging Cristal Connors to leave the building.

Both actors are Jewish

Not only do Cristal and Nomi engage in a dance war, the two are constantly at each other's throats. There's no way this is going to end well. Nomi eventually tires of Cristal's jealousy cat games and pushes the bitch down the stairs. A star is born! Nomi shortly becomes the new star then it all falls apart with several ridiculous moments happening before she realizes, it's time to move on. There are so many scenes that cannot be described here. I mean, where else are you going to see naked girls and monkeys in the same room together?

Julie (far left) is the best dancer in the show. It's just too bad about her hair.

In closing, Showgirls is bedazzled campy fun, raining with bare tits. I like to think of it as the NC-17 version of All About Eve. With an NC-17 rating, there's a lot to see here. The actresses are practically topless the entire time and a fully nude Berkley and Machlachan perform the most ridiculous sex scene I have ever seen. You have to see it to believe it. 

Things This Movie Taught Me:

*Every boy in the world used it as beat off material. 

*Everybody in Las Vegas has AIDS and shit. 

*The dancing is pretty good but there's also a lot of thrusting and exaggeration which makes it sometimes painful to watch. I am not alone here, turns out. 

*If the seamstress is unnecessarily raped by a musician, the entertainment director will make everything okay by giving her her very own dress shop. 

*Children are allowed in the dressing room with dozens of naked women but profanity is bad for them. 

*Nomi Malone doesn't like to wear underwear.

*Having sex on your period is okay, as long as you have towels.